Culinary ride-or-die – or have them take an Uber

February 6, 2025 by
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In response to Darcie’s post about finding a culinary ride-or-die, I felt compelled to share my story from the other side of the kitchen counter.

My husband Jim loves my cooking, but he comes with an encyclopedia of dietary preferences. When a friend invited us for dinner and thoughtfully asked about food restrictions, I simply replied, “No bell peppers for me.” For Jim? I paused and said, “That’s… different.” Our friend later presented us with a document titled “Jim Hartin Dietary Preferences – This is not an exhaustive list.”

Jim possesses surgical precision when it comes to food detection. He can spot a microscopic piece of onion with superhuman vision and extract it with the steady hand of a neurosurgeon. The same applies to garlic – while he enjoys the flavor, visible pieces are strictly forbidden. For dishes like Bolognese, these ingredients must be transformed into an undetectable puree.

His tomato protocol is equally stringent: they must be rendered invisible, with no evidence of their former existence. Peas are acceptable, but only if they’re Le Sueur baby peas. Carrots must be cut on the diagonal – it’s non-negotiable. While broccoli makes the cut, most other vegetables face immediate rejection. Sweet potatoes are banned, though regular potatoes pass muster – albeit with the caveat that rice or noodles are preferred.

The fruit aversion runs deep, with bananas holding the title of his “mortal enemy.” Cranberry sauce is permitted, but only the jellied variety that maintains its can-shaped integrity – heaven forbid an actual berry appears. While I appreciate both homemade and canned versions, Jim’s stance on berries remains unwavering. His donut preferences are equally specific: no cream fillings, no jelly, but a chocolate-glazed specimen must be crowned with sprinkles.

Seafood and offal are absolutely forbidden territories. Sour cream is persona non grata in both ingredient and condiment form (add mustard and mayo to that list). The bean situation requires diplomacy: baked beans and black beans have earned approval, while all others remain suspect. And mushrooms? That’s a hard no.

I’ve become a master of culinary subterfuge. If Jim knew that Vietnamese cuisine’s secret weapon was fish sauce, or that his beloved Caesar dressing harbored anchovies, we’d face a gastronomic crisis. Twenty-seven years together have taught me the delicate art of diplomatic meal planning.

While he’s always expressed interest in cooking, that interest has yet to materialize into actual kitchen time. His culinary domain remains firmly outside – at the grill or griddle, where apparently Y chromosomes feel most at home.

Category: Antipasto

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7 Comments

  • matag  on  February 6, 2025

    Bless your heart!

  • demomcook  on  February 6, 2025

    Year 44 for me, and he only gets more picky and demanding. No eggs, mayo, avocado, dairy, kale, chard, greens (lettuce is okay) – on and on it goes. I have a feeling you and Darcy are in good company.

  • Fyretigger  on  February 6, 2025

    I’m generally an ‘anything goes’ food guy, with one easily avoided food reaction and an easily avoided dislike. The majority of my social group on the other hand pose a culinary mine field! When I have a craving for a particular cuisine, who I invite is more governed by their food preferences than by whose company I might seek.

  • Rinshin  on  February 7, 2025

    OMG! I felt anxiety just reading that. I will never complain again when I have to refrain from using too much vinegar, cut way back on spiciness, or cutting back on number of fresh blueberries to our daily mixed fruit salads. And, oh, no natto for him.

  • dsbingham  on  February 11, 2025

    OMG! This sounds exactly like my dad. I grew up eating such a narrow range of foods because he dictated much of what was served in our house (plus my mom not being interested in cooking certainly wasn’t going to object). The fact that I ended up an adventurous cook, married to an adventurous cook and we have two kids who are broad eaters – feels like I won the lottery!

  • FJT  on  February 12, 2025

    A distant cousin came to stay last year with her husband and he has a similar food list. I always try to accommodate food preferences (I’m fairly difficult to cater for with several allergies and cross-reactions), but this was made so much more difficult when our builders arrived to lay a new patio just as the visitors arrived meaning we couldn’t access the BBQ! I was stressed!!

  • sanfrannative  on  February 12, 2025

    For my husband, no olives, no capers, no obvious vinegar taste or smell, and vegetables must not taste too “green”. No olives and this man is Greek!

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